


Tired and Stressed

by AshJuillet



Series: Challenges [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Babies, Gen, Good Peter Pettigrew, Humor, Tired Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29216274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshJuillet/pseuds/AshJuillet
Summary: AU! When James and Sirius accidentally turn themselves into babies, it's up to Remus, Frank, and Peter to care for them. The only problem is... Remus is the only one caring for them.
Relationships: Frank Longbottom & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Series: Challenges [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108157
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Tired and Stressed

The high-pitched singing woke Remus up, and he rolled over before pulling his pillow over his head. "Sirius! Shut him up! My head's going to explode!"

"James!" Sirius banged his fist on the bathroom door. "If you're going to sing in the shower, at least do it in tune!"

"You're just jealous of my amazing voice and my dance moves!"

"You think you could take me, Potter?" Sirius kicked down the door, and James shrieked at a higher pitch than normal. "Oh, shut up, mate! It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

"Still, you can't barge—"

"Stop covering yourself and start the dance-fight," Sirius demanded, picking up the shampoo and standing in a defensive stance. "You ready?"

"Bring it!"

Trying to bury himself in his blankets, Remus clenched his eyes shut as the two boys began to wail at the top of their lungs, sliding around the bathroom floor and wiggling their hips provocatively. They'd never understood the concept of _singing_ and ignored Remus when he claimed they were terrible at it.

"My ears hurt." Peter peeked at Remus from behind his drapes. "Can we go before they start shrieking like banshees?"

Just then, the boys began to shriek, "Go, go, Godzilla, yeah!"

When he saw them flailing their arms overhead, Remus thought they looked like idiots, and he hoped they wouldn't force him to join. He fumbled for his wand. "Let's run while we still can."

* * *

At breakfast, Sirius sat down and clapped James' shoulder. "That was awesome, mate! We should do that again soon."

"You're describing my worst nightmare," Remus whispered, chugging his cup of coffee and scalding his tongue.

"Forget the coffee, Moony!" James leaned over the table. "I have a wonderful idea! It starts with an Anti-Ageing potion..."

"Here we go again," Remus mumbled, but he dutifully leaned closer to listen to James' 'wonderful idea.'

* * *

_Two hours later_

Entering the dorm room, Remus paled at the sight. An empty potion decanter lay near two black-haired babies flailing around on the carpet, buried beneath enormous black robes. Another baby—with golden-brown hair—was trying to swallow his foot next to them.

"Tell me this is a nightmare."

"Sorry, Remus… I have no idea how this happened." Frank ran his fingers through his hair and messed it up, bending over to pick up the blond baby. "I'm pretty sure this is Peter."

Closing his eyes, Remus slowly counted to ten. The plan was to turn the _Slytherins_ into babies, not themselves! _Babies!_ What was he supposed to tell McGonagall when she realised they weren't in class?

When James knocked his head against a nearby table, Remus swore. He rushed over and scooped James onto his hip, ignoring that the child was naked. Remus grimaced when James wiped a drool-covered hand on Remus' chest. Annoyed at being ignored, Sirius rolled onto his front and loudly burped, gazing at Remus.

"Looks like he was always an attention-hogger." Frank laughed while holding a naked Peter at an arm's distance. "What should we do with these things?"

"They're not _things_ ," Remus said with a snort. "We need to get them somewhere safe… And our dormitory is _definitely_ not safe."

"Is the bear trap still under Sirius' bed?" Frank asked with a shiver of fear. He'd stepped into the trap—Sirius had claimed it was an _experiment_ —and almost lost his leg a few months ago, and he didn't want to know what would happen to a baby.

"What do you think?" Remus hurried after Sirius, who was trying to roll towards said trap. "Where Sirius goes, trouble follows. Everyone knows that."

James immediately gurgled and tried to nibble on Remus' elbow, making Remus glare at him. He said, "No, I didn't forget you, Prongs. And stop annoying me."

"So, what do we do now?"

With his foot, Remus nudged Sirius away from the bed and tried to pull him up onto his hip. Frank pursed his lips to hide his laughter, knowing Remus wouldn't appreciate it. Remus resembled a frazzled mother annoyed with her children.

"Let's take them to Madam Pomfrey."

Reducing the size of the robes to fit their tiny noncompliant limbs, Frank carried Peter to the door. Remus grabbed a hold of Sirius' arm, but before he could pull him up, James decided to swing his legs wildly, causing Remus to lose his grip.

"I'm going to kill you," Remus hissed, grabbing James' foot before he could hit the ground, making the two babies giggle.

Remus finally placed both babies on his hips and waddled down the stairs, relieved no one saw his unfortunate situation. Frank grinned when he saw him, and Remus scowled. "Don't you _dare_."

"You look so _cute_ ," Frank teased, ruffling Remus' hair.

Remus groaned and tried to head-butt him as his arms were around James and Sirius. "Don't call me _cute_ , Frank. Look at yourself!"

"I did! I look _adorable_ ," Frank said, trying to cat-walk to the portrait door. Just then, Peter, whose fist was in his mouth, gagged. Before Frank could hold him away from his body, he was drenched in yellowish-green vomit.

"Eww! He puked on me! Remus, take him!"

"No way! I already have these two clinging to me," Remus retorted, and Sirius giggled, trying to lick Remus' shoulder. "Yeah, you'll have to hold him."

Complaining all the way to the infirmary, Frank held Peter far away from his body, grimacing at the wetness and stench of the vomit.

When they reached the doors, Remus said, "Stop complaining, Frank. We're almost done with this mess. Knock on the door, will you?"

Frank gagged as he pulled Peter closer and knocked on the door. "Madam Pomfrey! Open up! Hurry!" His panic was evident in his voice.

When the doors swung open, Frank rushed inside and dropped Peter onto the nearest bed. He pulled out his wand and quickly began cleaning the vomit off his robes. "Merlin, I need to burn these robes."

"Mr Longbottom, what is the meaning of this? Mr Lupin!" Madam Pomfrey cried, aghast at the sight of the six-month-old babies. Remus huffed as he placed James and Sirius on the bed.

Giggling, James slapped Peter's chubby cheeks, and tears welled in the latter's eyes. Sirius fell back onto the pillow behind him and kicked James' head as he went down. Immediately, an all-out fight started between the three, but Remus ignored them.

"That's Sirius, James, and Peter," he explained, jerking his thumb at them. "I don't know what happened, but they—"

"They were up to no good again," Madam Pomfrey said, completing his sentence. She sighed and bustled around the infirmary, looking for the right potions that would revert the boys to normal.

She returned with a half-empty decanter, and Remus' heart sank. "Madam Pomfrey… Please tell me you have more in the storeroom."

Frank's shoulders trembled with suppressed laughter at the look on the matron's face. "Remus, I don't think that's a yes."

_This can't be happening._ Remus swallowed nervously. "Any way we can steal some from Professor Slughorn?"

"Mr Lupin! I expected better of you!"

Remus lowered his head and looked at the ground. "Sorry, madam."

"Horace hasn't brewed the Ageing potion in quite some time. This potion here"—she held the glass decanter up—"is enough for only two of them."

"Please change James and Sirius back first," Remus begged, aware of how dangerous it would be if either boy didn't revert to their normal self.

"No! Change Peter back first!" Frank cried, remembering the disgusting puke on his clothes.

Madam Pomfrey sighed as Remus hurriedly pulled out a Knut from his pocket and flipped it in the air. "Heads!" he called out before the coin fell on his palm.

Frank cheered and crowed in delight. "I won! Madam Pomfrey, change Peter back first!"

Removing the stopper from the thin decanter's mouth, she cupped Peter's chin and poured half of the contents down his throat. Peter gagged and spluttered on the bluish-green liquid, but she refused to let go of him until he drank the potion.

Peter's head grew larger, his limbs lengthened, and then… His growing arm accidentally smacked the decanter and it wheeled through the air, the potion splashing the white bedspread.

"I've got it!" Frank leapt towards the flying bottle, but the last drops of the potion trickled down onto his face. "No, I don't."

The damage was done. Peter rubbed his temple, squinting at the others as they stared at the empty decanter.

"Madam Pomfrey, does this mean…" Frank trailed off when he saw the absolute terror in Remus' eyes.

The matron solemnly nodded. "Until Horace brews the next batch of Aging potion, I'm afraid you will have to take care of the boys."

"No!" Remus and Frank screamed, and the two babies wailed at the sound.

"We can't take care of them! What about our studies? There's no way Professor McGonagall will let us bring _babies_ to class!" Frank exclaimed, shaking his head furiously.

"The infirmary is no place to care for two children. That's why I want you three to take care of them… Think of this as… practice for the future."

For a few brief moments, Remus had no power over his thoughts, feelings, and even his body. His heart pounded against his ribcage at the looming responsibility thrust upon him. As teenagers, James and Sirius were a handful, but now that they were babies… A shiver of fear ran up and down Remus' spine.

* * *

"I am never having children," Frank declared, holding Sirius out at arm's length. His thick handle-bar moustache curled up, tickling his nose and making it twitch. The few drops of Aging potion hadn't been enough to make _him_ grow, but it had allowed him to rock a very masculine-looking moustache. "And even if I do, I hope they don't turn out like _these_ two."

Remus stiffened as a noticeable stench reached his nose. He whispered, "No, please, dear God, Merlin, whoever's up there… Tell me I don't have to do this…"

"Do what, Remus?" Peter asked. He was busy baby-proofing their room by padding the tables' corners and removing any dangerous and illicit material from under the beds. Professor McGonagall had come up to their dormitory, her scowl permanently fixed on her face, and she had turned two beds into cribs—after promising she would punish them later.

"Can't you smell the stink?" Frank asked, pointing at James' trousers. "Hey, Remus, do you know how to change a nappy? Because there's no way _I'm_ going to do that."

"Only the Muggle way," he replied, wishing this was all a dream. He knew he was going to regret it, but he sighed. "Fine, I'll change him. But you have to watch and do the same for Sirius before their… bedtime."

Peter snickered but quickly shut up when Remus glared at him. He raised his hands defensively. "Sorry!"

Sirius babbled something and reached his hand up to grab onto Frank's brown moustache. Tears welled up in Frank's eyes, the pain intolerable, as he screamed, "Ow! That hurts! _Sirius!_ "

When he managed to get Sirius to let go, he realised there were several strands in Sirius' hand. "Merlin's balls, Remus! Can't we just knock them out? That way they won't trouble us."

"You heard what Madam Pomfrey said, Frank," Remus said, sighing. He pursed his lips before awkwardly tugging James' nappy off. "We can't use any potions on them. Or spells. Neither can we hit them when they're being extra annoying."

Just then, a fountain of pee shot up and hit Remus' forehead. He scrunched his eyes as it trickled down his face slowly, hoping the floor would open up and swallow him whole. James giggled and shoved his fist in his mouth, staring up at him. Remus Accioed a towel and calmly wiped his face. "I'm going to pretend I didn't see, hear, or even _feel_ that."

Frank's tears streamed down his face as he bent over double, laughing heartily; Peter rolled off the bed in his amusement and fell onto his back. Remus simply ignored them and looked down at James, who was happily gurgling and clapping. "You are in so much trouble when you finally grow up."

* * *

That evening, they didn't go to dinner. Imagining the babies wreaking havoc in the Great Hall was enough to put them off their appetite. Still, Peter brought them a plate each, and they ate in the comfort of their dorm room. Outside, the sun had set, and James and Sirius had drifted off to sleep, allowing them to finally relax.

"Man, taking care of children is hard work," Frank commented, stretching his arms as he got ready for bed. Remus hummed absentmindedly, slipping into his pyjamas behind his drapes. "I hope Alice doesn't want kids right away. I'm _so_ not prepared for that."

"We're seventeen, Frank," Remus said, amused. "You can wait a few years before you start thinking of children."

"Yeah, you're right. Anyway, goodnight. Night, Pete!"

"Night," Peter called out, already buried within his mountain of blankets. In a matter of seconds, he was fast asleep. The other boys quickly followed suit.

In the middle of the night, a loud wail caused Remus to shoot upright. Blearily whipping his wand out, he swivelled around to check for intruders, his mind hazy with sleep. The moonlight drifted in through the windows, shining platinum-gold amid the starlit heavens, but Remus didn't notice.

Sirius wailed again, flailing around in his crib, and Remus moaned, sliding out of bed to check on him. He tried to hush him by patting his back, but Sirius refused to calm down. Soon, James was bawling at the top of his lungs, mimicking Sirius' actions.

"Frank, Peter," Remus called sleepily, but there wasn't any response. Aware that Peter wouldn't wake up even during an earthquake, he walked over to Frank's bed instead. He tried to push the curtains back but got jolted with a Stinging Hex instead. "Oh, you _bastard_ ," he hissed, annoyed beyond belief.

Clenching his jaw, Remus picked the babies up, juggling them so he could hold them the way Madam Pomfrey had taught them earlier.

"Stop crying, please," Remus implored, pacing up and down. He rocked them back and forth, left to right, but to no avail; they continued to howl. "Merlin, what am I supposed to do? Check nappies! Yes!"

He placed them on his bed and quickly peeked into their nappies, unable to believe where his life had led him. He loved his friends—truly, he did—but checking for poo in undergarments was not something he had signed up for.

"That's clean," he muttered, thinking of what else he could do. "Are you hungry?" He Accioed their bottles and tried to feed them, but their tears continued to stream down their faces. "I am _not_ singing you a lullaby. That's out of the question."

When their screams heightened to a louder pitch, he hoisted them onto his hips and started pacing again. _Their cries are going to kill me!_ He whimpered, "Merlin, help me!"

He glanced at the door, hoping that someone who had more experience with children would come in and save the day before he remembered he had put an incredibly strong Silencing Charm on the door last year at the other boys' insistence.

Remus' heart fell into his stomach as James began to throw up, unable to stop crying. "Could this _be_ any worse?"

It was the wrong thing to say.

Sirius vomited as well, spewing the contents of his stomach on Remus' bare feet and continued crying. Remus closed his eyes, praying for patience and control. He took a deep breath in and almost choked on the bile rising in his throat. As a werewolf, the stench excessively aggravated his nose.

"I'm going to die surrounded by puke and crying babies."

Despite his rising panic, he knew he needed to clean everything up and get the two boys to sleep. Mentally making a list, he set the two boys shakily on the floor and stumbled over to his bed to pick up his fallen wand.

_Clean the floor, cribs,_ and _the boys. Change their clothes. Get them to sleep._

James tried to crawl towards the empty decanter lying in the corner, and Remus cursed, wondering how Peter had missed the bottle while baby-proofing their room.

He trudged through the tasks, his mind still addled with sleep. He had an important Charms test in the morning, and he didn't know how he was going to sit through it if he couldn't concentrate. Still, he cleaned everything up and picked James up, thinking he was more likely to fall asleep faster.

He was wrong.

Both the babies continued to scream and bawl their eyes out, and Remus was at the end of his tether. He hadn't tried singing to them, but when he saw the moon give way to the sun, he panicked. _To_ _hell with it._

Plucking up his courage, he began swaying and twirling around the room, both babies in his arms. "Over in Killarney, many years ago, my mother sang a song to me in tones so sweet and low," he crooned, keeping his tone soothing. He had a feeling they could feel his panic. "Just a simple little ditty in her good old Irish way, and I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day. Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral!"

And to his surprise, their eyes began to slowly flutter shut. Remus' heart leapt at the sight, and he did a little shimmy, cringing at how awkward it was. Thank Merlin no one was watching him. "Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Li, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral. Hush now, don't you cry."

Taking care of normal babies was hard work, but taking care of James and Sirius was worse. They were so lucky he was such a good friend. Who else would rock them to sleep or check their nappies?

As he wiggled his hips, he remembered the boys' dance-fight that morning and how he'd thought they looked idiotic. _Now, who looks idiotic?_

**Author's Note:**

> Please review. :)


End file.
